Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
