Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
