his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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