no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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