ugly people sure do ruin things
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
