White coat. Heels.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
