I'm lost and stupid without you.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just blew my weed a kiss
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
