Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
