Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
