So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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