That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
