Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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