As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
