Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
