My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
