We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
