Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
