His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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