how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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