Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
