I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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