dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
