sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Damn victory sex feels great
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
