I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
