Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
