I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
