i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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