I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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