shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i love accidental penises.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
