i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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