I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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