Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I need to stop coming to work sober
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
