my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
