He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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