My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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