I wish I could teleport
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
