ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
