Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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