Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this boner is exhausting
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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