At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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