so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize