Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
