I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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