But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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