i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
