i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe