I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons