It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...