I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?