I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.