My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
