Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
