I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
