I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
