I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
