Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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