i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
