So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
