Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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