Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
