I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
