it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
