im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
how drunk are you?
Several
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
