come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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