If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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