you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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